Procrastinitis

A sad affliction, and yet, I revel in it.

I got my acceptance e-mail from U of Birmingham in the U.K. for their History, Film and Television MA (yes, we now live in a world where the "large envelope" has been replaced with a "looks-like-spam-I-almost-missed-it" email). This is, of course, fantastic news, but there's still so much to consider. I've yet to complete my applications to Northwestern and Central Michigan, and, if all goes according to plan and I get accepted, the whole decision is basically going to come down to money. The good old weak-ass American dollar -- which, in my bank account, almost all of it is loan money which needs to be paid back. A sad state of affairs, in which important decisions possibly determining the course of my life must come down to how much debt I'm willing to rack up.

Alas, I digress.

The topic of this post is procrastination. It is true that I have no less than 5 major tasks to complete before the end of my last semester of my undergraduate degree. A group project (crafting a wiki) for Social Media, a presentation/7-10 pg research paper for the same class. A daunting 10-pg paper for my history class, which I'm sure will be atrocious since I have no idea what to write about (that, and the fact that my teacher fails any paper he can cut down by 1/3 or more.) My short film which is serving as my senior project. And a final group project for my Broadcast Studio class. Oh, and final exams.

And what am I doing?

Blogging. Reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Watching TV. Trolling Twitter. Sleeping.

This happens every single semester. It has never failed. I have reached the point in the semester when the quality of work no longer matters to me, it's the mere fact of getting it done that motivates me. I start out as a quasi-perfectionist, and my work slowly decreases in quality until the end of November, where I figuratively "throw in the towel" much too early.

I rarely complain about the time frames for assignments, because I know that my time management skills are horrific. With the exception of the history paper, none of my assignments are particularly difficult or unreasonable. I just hit this wall where productivity dips into the negative values. Even my usually rampant creative juices just evaporate.

If only there were some magic pill I could take that would suddenly burn the desire to succeed into my soul.

I know I am not alone, and that gives me hope. Hope that this disease will someday be eradicated, that we may live in a perfect world where all students get their work done in plenty of time, have no fun, and don't like to party and rot their brains with television.

If only.

My Graduate School Application Essay

Hi important people at college,

Basically, I am a badass. And this means one thing: you should let me into your school to study whatever the hell I want.

Elementary School

I was SUPER COOL in elementary school. I was so smart that I got 100% on every spelling test in five years, except for the one time I misspelled an extra credit word. Incidentally, the word was "Bellview", the name of my school, which I passed on a sign every day for six years. I was popular by association, since I was kind of a bitch, but my best friend was the most popular and well-liked girl in school. I went through a phase where I wouldn't wear jeans, and then there was the infamous Lee Pipes stage.

Middle School

Not so much bad-assery here. Skinny, awkward, unibrow-toting freakishly smart girl. The popular girls with really shitty houses but really awesome clothes used me for my homework skills, and they basically stomped all over me and my innocent generosity. My favorite story: at my 13th birthday party, I walked outside and one of these trolls was making out with my "boyfriend". I dominated them in rec-league fastpitch softball, though, since they all smoked cigarettes. For all the extremely crappy experiences there, though, I was the ultimate winner, as we shall see when I get to high school.

High School

I waxed the unibrow, hit the books, joined the band and rocked the varsity softball team. Vice President of the National Honor Society? check. Captain of varsity softball? huzzah. Marching band section leader of the alto saxophones? Fo sho. Oh, and did I mention I was on Homecoming Court and graduated #1 in my class with a 4.22 grade point? Suck it, middle school bitches, you're all mothers now, and I'm partying. Well, I guess you are still partying, but I'm not responsible for another human life, and therefore my partying is socially acceptable.

College

I didn't quite own college as much as I owned high school. I did get a full scholarship, though, which was the bomb. I was an engineering major for awhile before I said, "boooor-ing", and switched to majoring in TV, which is infinitely more fun, and also probably the easiest major at my school. I joined a sorority where I do a ton of community service and philanthropy work, became an RA, got a job on campus, studied abroad in England, traveled Europe, and had the time of my life, all while complaining when I really had nothing to complain about.

Also, my family is awesome. I have fantastic friends. I love pretending to be bitter and cynical, because it's a better outlet for humor. I like to write, and make funny movies, and be on the internet.

So, graduate school admissions people, pick me. Choose me. Love me. If you give me the chance, I can rule the school and possibly the world. I just need a Pinky to my Brain, so do you think you could start taking applications for my assistant? Thanks so much.

Good night, and good luck.

MUCH LOVEZ <3>

Janelle