How to Be a Gilmore Girl

This is one of my lifelong goals: to be a Gilmore Girl.  Now, each Gilmore Girl (Lorelai, Rory, and Emily) have aspects of their personality that are distinctly their own, so the options are to adapt your own personality to one of theirs, or just adopt the common threads into your own personality.  I would rather just be one of them, but it's harder than it looks.

So I will define their characteristics, then analyze which one I'm closest to.

Lorelai

1) Drink as much coffee as your stomach can hold.

2) Never learn to cook.

3) Wear shocking t-shirts that say "Porn Star" and "Bunny Ranch" and things of the like

4) Have a crazy complicated relationship with your parents.

5) Said parents are extremely wealthy

6) Have a baby at 16

7) Be obsessed with The Bangles, U2, David Bowie and Depeche Mode

8) Derive great pleasure from watching Sophia die in Godfather III

9) Also derive great pleasure from unapologetically mocking complete strangers

10) Have a secret crush on the diner owner . . . so secret that you don't even know it yourself.

11) Have a weird fear of commitment usually attributed to male "players"

12) Have an irrational fear of vegetables.

Rory

1) Drink slightly less coffee than your mother, but still an unhealthy amount.

2) Never learn to cook.  Later in life, learn how to chop vegetables for those that do cook.

3) Carry a book with you at all times.

4) Go to a private prep high school with a really cute uniform.

5) Have the most annoying first boyfriend ever, Dean, who looks like a deer.

6) Have the hottest second boyfriend ever, Jess, who is surly and extremely well-read.

7) Have a privileged snot for a third boyfriend, Logan, who messes up as often as he can be cute.

8) Go to an Ivy League School.

9) Drop out of an Ivy League school and move into your grandparents' pool house.

10) Go back to an Ivy League school after Jess yells at you. 

11) Lack any sort of athletic skill, including running, which makes you look like a duck.

12) Aspire to be a foreign correspondent like Christiane Amanpour.

Emily

1) Marry into one of the wealthiest and most powerful families in Connecticut. 

2) Have many quintessentially "control freak" characteristics

3) Wear the most expensive Hillary Clinton suits possible.

4) Always have a perfect coif.

5) Be completely incapable of keeping a maid more than a week.

6) Possess the uncanny ability of being able to nag and nitpick about anything.  And I mean anything.

7) According to Lorelai, she leads the "judgmental conga line".

8) Also according to Lorelai, she has many qualities in common with Joseph Stalin.

9) Active member of the D.A.R., Daughter of the American Revolution.

10) Biggest disappointment: her daughter Lorelai getting pregnant at 16 and never going to a debutante ball.

11) Huge fan of Christopher, Rory's father.

12) Still deeply hurt from when Lorelai left home at 17.

Analysis:

LORELAI:

I drink a lot of coffee, and I definitely don't cook.  However, I'm not a fan of tasteless T-shirts and I have a great relationship with my parents.  My parents aren't wealthy and I missed the time frame to have a baby at 16, so I'll just have to deal with that.  I have a healthy obsession with The Bangles, U2, David Bowie, and Depeche Mode.  Sophia dying in Godfather III is one of the best cinematic moments in history, so I'm with her on that one.  I am a proudly unapologetic mocker!  I don't have a diner owner to crush on, unfortunately, because Luke Danes just isn't real -- to my great disappointment.  I don't really have a fear of commitment and of course, I have a unhealthy fear of vegetables.

CONCLUSION:  Coffee, cooking, music/movies, mockery, and vegetables are where we are similar, but the overall personality isn't a good match.

RORY:

I probably drink less coffee than Lorelai, and I'm sure that I could learn how to chop vegetables, even if I won't eat them.  I do often carry a book with me, because I read probably too much, just like her.  I went to a grungy public school, though, with no uniform.  I've only had 1 serious boyfriend and he doesn't fit with either Dean, Jess or Logan.  I didn't go to an Ivy League school and didn't drop out of an Ivy League school and I didn't go back to an Ivy League school.  Though it would have been really cool if I went to an Ivy League school.  I'm not much of an athlete and I look really stupid when I run, and though I'm not aspiring to be Christiane Amanpour I would like to be in the TV business.

CONCLUSION:  Looks like she's my closest match so far.  Can you say BALLER!!!

EMILY:

I have little hope of every marrying into a wealthy and distinguished family, and I'm not really a control freak unless it comes to the remote control.  Not much of a suit person, and my hair is far from perfect.  I've never had a maid but I would probably be so overjoyed that I could afford one that I would never fire her even if she stole from me.  I'm not a good nagger or nitpicker because I always just give up.  I can be pretty judgmental so I guess I'm with her on that.  I don't think that Stalin and I would get on particularly well.  I'm not a member of the D.A.R.  (D.A.R.N.!).  I don't have a daughter to be disappointed about, but I would be mad if my daughter wasn't a debutante.  I HATE CHRISTOPHER.  Yuck!  And again, I don't have a daughter.

CONCLUSION:  Aside from the judgmental conga line, not much in common here.

And the winner is . . . 

RORY!

My trophy shall be a first-edition copy of Gogol's Dead Souls with a cup of coffee on top and a pair of saddle shoes.