Reflections on an Undergraduate Education

Well, with the (very last minute) submission of my final undergraduate paper, I am now finished with my Bachelor of Science degree in Media Communications, with a minor in History.

Scratch that. I'll only get a minor if I managed to get a decent grade in my History class. I thought I was smart until I took that class. Way to ruin a girl's self esteem, douche.

But, I'm still the same person. I still love jeggings, and Snuggies, and Harry Potter. Just because I'm slightly more educated than the average 13-year-old doesn't mean that I'm better than them. I still wholeheartedly appreciate High School Musical, HogwartsLive, and Miley Cyrus smoking out of a bong.

What have I learned?

- I learned that going to college doesn't necessarily mean you will be surrounded by smart people.
- I learned that college admissions programs don't exactly tell you the whole truth.
- I learned that engineering is way too boring for me.
- I learned that I love writing stuff that I think is funny, but no one else does.
- I learned that I am way lazier than I ever thought I was.
- I learned that I am the very worst kind of procrastinator.
- I learned that I should have appreciated high school and its positive effects on my metabolism.
- I learned that I will never buy a PC as long as I live, unless Mac somehow becomes shit.
- I learned that you can meet amazing people that counteract the douchebags.
- I learned that I have amazing bullshitting capabilities.

Most importantly, I learned how to make this.

I'm currently at my graduation party, which consists of me, my sister, and her friend drinking, smoking hookah, watching Elf, and being online.

My Graduate School Application Essay

Hi important people at college,

Basically, I am a badass. And this means one thing: you should let me into your school to study whatever the hell I want.

Elementary School

I was SUPER COOL in elementary school. I was so smart that I got 100% on every spelling test in five years, except for the one time I misspelled an extra credit word. Incidentally, the word was "Bellview", the name of my school, which I passed on a sign every day for six years. I was popular by association, since I was kind of a bitch, but my best friend was the most popular and well-liked girl in school. I went through a phase where I wouldn't wear jeans, and then there was the infamous Lee Pipes stage.

Middle School

Not so much bad-assery here. Skinny, awkward, unibrow-toting freakishly smart girl. The popular girls with really shitty houses but really awesome clothes used me for my homework skills, and they basically stomped all over me and my innocent generosity. My favorite story: at my 13th birthday party, I walked outside and one of these trolls was making out with my "boyfriend". I dominated them in rec-league fastpitch softball, though, since they all smoked cigarettes. For all the extremely crappy experiences there, though, I was the ultimate winner, as we shall see when I get to high school.

High School

I waxed the unibrow, hit the books, joined the band and rocked the varsity softball team. Vice President of the National Honor Society? check. Captain of varsity softball? huzzah. Marching band section leader of the alto saxophones? Fo sho. Oh, and did I mention I was on Homecoming Court and graduated #1 in my class with a 4.22 grade point? Suck it, middle school bitches, you're all mothers now, and I'm partying. Well, I guess you are still partying, but I'm not responsible for another human life, and therefore my partying is socially acceptable.

College

I didn't quite own college as much as I owned high school. I did get a full scholarship, though, which was the bomb. I was an engineering major for awhile before I said, "boooor-ing", and switched to majoring in TV, which is infinitely more fun, and also probably the easiest major at my school. I joined a sorority where I do a ton of community service and philanthropy work, became an RA, got a job on campus, studied abroad in England, traveled Europe, and had the time of my life, all while complaining when I really had nothing to complain about.

Also, my family is awesome. I have fantastic friends. I love pretending to be bitter and cynical, because it's a better outlet for humor. I like to write, and make funny movies, and be on the internet.

So, graduate school admissions people, pick me. Choose me. Love me. If you give me the chance, I can rule the school and possibly the world. I just need a Pinky to my Brain, so do you think you could start taking applications for my assistant? Thanks so much.

Good night, and good luck.

MUCH LOVEZ <3>

Janelle

The Possibility of Evil

By evil, I mean plans.

I'm reasonably sure I will be heading to graduate school in the fall of 2011 studying something vaguely within the realm of film studies/production/screenwriting. There are numerous possibilities for schools, including but not limited to:

UNC-Chapel Hill (film studies)
UW-Madison (communication arts)
UCLA (producer's program)
Ball State (digital storytelling)
Birmingham (U.K.) (History, Film and Television)
East Anglia (U.K.) (Creative Writing - screenwriting)
Nottingham (U.K.) (English studies)

UNC-Greensboro has a sweet program, but they only accept people every other year in even-numbered years, so maybe I'll go get a second masters' for absolutely no reason.

Birmingham, though, is emerging as the frontrunner. They have a program in History, Film and Television that offers a 12-week placement program in the industry. WOW. Literally all three of the subjects listed on my bachelor's degree, AND an internship built in? That is very ballin'.

Of course, money is the huge issue here. I will be putting myself and maybe even my parents in an even larger amount of debt while continuing my education. But the fact remains that I like school, I'm good at school, even though I complain about it ALL THE TIME.

I'm still just very interested to see what grad school is actually like. In the US I would have two years of it, and one in the U.K. Of course, this is considering that I wouldn't chicken out on going there for a year. But if I get good scholarships then I'm going. Also, I need to actually get into the schools, but I'm so awesome no school would ever think of rejecting me. (crosses fingers and hopes that karma didn't read that)

Oh, and I also need to become funnier so I can be a writer on cracked.com.

School?

I feel like I didn't even go to school this semester. I mean, obviously I did. I had 12 credit hours, whatever. But I had class Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, 5:45-8:35, and those were each one class. And then my directed study which didn't have a regular class meeting. I was at school WAY more to work and do sorority stuff.

My finals consist of: a fill-in-the-blank final for Film Production. Watching 12 Angry Men again for Communication. Finishing my screenplay for Screenwriting, bringing people to class for a reading, and eating dinner. My directed study project is finished.

Did this semester even happen?

I had a productive day yesterday, though. I vaguely figured out my schedule for the next seven months. I declared a History minor and I'm taking a class called The Golden Age of Greece this summer, along with my internship at the Historical Society. In the fall I have a studio class, Social Media, Special News Coverage and History of Europe to 1500. I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE SPECIAL NEWS COVERAGE AT ALL. Because, guess what? I know it's hard to believe, but I do not have any aspirations in TV news. Whatsoever. But apparently I have to take this class. I'm getting really tired of the runaround I get at this school. But I know I complain a lot.

Thursdays are usually slow here. Today I have been assigned 8 projects and only have hopes of finishing 5. Get ready Danielle.